‘It … just clicked again’

Lorena Gil and her husband, Andres, had their babies back to back: Gabriel in 2016 and Elena in 2017.

By the time the kids turned 1 and 2, Gil felt exhausted. Wrung out. Down for the count.

Navigating a nonstop schedule of work and family life, she wanted nothing to do with sex. What she craved more than anything was a good, long nap.

“I would wake up in the morning and say inside my head—I never told this to anyone—‘I can’t wait for the day to be over so I can go to bed,’” said Gil, of Grand Rapids, Michigan.

“All I wanted to do is sleep,” she said. “And of course I couldn’t do it because I’m a mom and wife, so I had to get things done and I had to work. It was hard. Boy, going back in my mind—it was hard.”

Fatigue, tearfulness, low libido. Gil, 35, recognized the red flags. She knew these symptoms weren’t normal.

As a person of faith, Gil shifted the focus of her daily prayers to asking for God’s help to feel better.

When she heard about an “ask the experts” event with the Spectrum Health Midlife, Menopause & Sexual Health team, she took notice. She did her homework and learned about Natasha DeHaan, FNP, a nurse practitioner with an obstetrics and gynecology background who is also a sexuality counselor.

Could this be the answer?

Gil made an appointment.

“I’m like, ‘I’m just going to see if not having a sex drive is normal or not and if it has anything to do with being sad,'” she said. “That’s how I started.

“I knew something was not right within me.”

Multifaceted approach

At their first appointment, DeHaan spent a full hour listening to Gil’s concerns and talking about possible biological, psychological and relational reasons for her symptoms.

Together, they identified three things they could work on: her fatigue, sadness and heavy periods.

DeHaan diagnosed Gil with depression and prescribed Wellbutrin, an antidepressant that’s also used off-label for libido.

She ordered lab work. The results ruled out a thyroid problem but showed that Gil had anemia, probably linked to her heavy periods. So DeHaan put her on a daily iron supplement to boost her energy and improve her overall health.

At a follow-up visit, DeHaan switched out Gil’s nonhormonal IUD for a hormonal version. This has brought the expected benefit of easing her periods and, by extension, relieving her exhaustion.

During their appointments, the two women spent time talking about healthy habits: eating well, exercising, drinking plenty of water, using metered breathing and taking multivitamins, calcium and vitamin D.

They talked about mom guilt and self-care—ways Gil could take time for herself without feeling bad about it.

And they talked about ways for Gil to stay connected to her husband—tips on how arousal and desire happen and how to keep the flame alive.

“She didn’t have any relationship issues going on,” DeHaan said. “It was more that they’re both just really busy.”

It’s a common problem, she said, and it’s solvable.

“I think it’s important for women to know that after babies, your body changes and you’re busy, you’re not connecting with your partner, you’re tired,” DeHaan said. “It’s a perfect storm. … So it really takes some conscious effort.”

New mindset

DeHaan’s combination of medical treatments, practical solutions and relational tips gave Gil the mental and physical jump-start she needed.

“Between the IUD, the medication, the iron, the talks that we had—I just started feeling motivated,” she said. “I started to get more energy.”

She lost weight—40 pounds since her daughter’s birth, half of it this year alone—and started feeling better about herself.

And as the pieces of the puzzle fell back into place, she felt like herself again.

“It just started getting better until one day, it kind of just clicked again,” Gil said.

With a full-time job and two toddlers at home, life is still crazy-busy, but there’s a difference. Gil feels energized, not overwhelmed.

“It’s been rough. But now it’s good,” she said.

“I’m not depressed anymore. I’m motivated now and I’ve lost weight, so I go to work looking fabulous—and I didn’t before. I just kind of didn’t care.”

Though she knows it took initiative and perseverance on her part to fight for her health, Gil gives much of the credit to DeHaan.

“Natasha gave me hope and motivated me to get better,” Gil said. “She’s refreshing and open-minded and just so helpful.”

Ultimately, though, Gil gives God the credit for leading her to DeHaan.

“I remember praying to God, asking him to guide me in the right direction,” she said, “and his answer was through Natasha.”

For other women who may be going through a similar experience, Gil encourages them to seek answers.

“Other people need to know that there’s help,” she said. “Have good communication with your provider. They’re there to help you. They’re not going to judge you.”

from Spectrum Health Beat https://ift.tt/34iuse7